It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
