what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
