pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
