Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
