every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
