they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
