Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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