The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
