Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize