guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
