i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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