I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
