I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
