I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
