I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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