I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize