You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
