You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
