i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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