I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
