The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
