I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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