Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
