he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
