Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sobbing to NWA
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
