Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
