If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
