Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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