please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
