How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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