i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And then my night got REAL pukey
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
