i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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