(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
