im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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