first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
