you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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