a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
