There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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