i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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