hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
