Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
