she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
