I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
