I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
