I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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