remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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