Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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