What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
