3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
