from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
