When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
