i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
