forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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