They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
