If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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