THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just invented taco cereal.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
