I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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