will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
