how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
