I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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