what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
