so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
